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| Let it be...
Slowly unweaving and uncovering my inner pain, we use to talk like the hours never passed. I'm broken. It has taken years to put back together my sensibility, but I finally have. And like the veins of a brick wall, you will always see my imperfections. Bubbling up every time I get discouraged. Holding onto the past will be a worthless reach, my fingers will never be able to grasp your reasoning and insecurities. So scared to be left alone, when I am the only one I can truely count on. Work hard or hardly work, on the relationship we've left behind. Let it be, let it be. Hardly work and two patients waiting to be helped, will be seen and respected. My heart knows no boundaries with my imagination in hand. I love all that I can and all who love me. How can I understand it all one day, like I have myself figured out, and the next not know how to cope with the loss. The loss of the emotion I held closest, my affection. My love for other people & how easy it was to show it. Well, I can't take pride anymore. I ignored and overlooked for too long. My past isn't a part of anything except for lessons learned. Nothing else should come from it. The day I can really feel this way, is my day of redemption, when I can truly be myself. I think the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past.
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You think you took the the hard way out,
But you got lost, shrivled up, and took the easiest route.
Standing noble and proud to be on your own.
Sitting empowered and free, yet totally alone.
If I changed you, you would have stood strong.
But right now you have NO idea where you belong.
When things get hard you give up and focus on something new,
This is something you always knew!
"You gamble with your love like its an open road.
Take what you can get before you let it go."
What use to make you happy is now just a burdened load,
I hope your choice doesn't lead you down a dead end road.
We did it all wrong from the beginning, you drifted fast, and drifted far.
losing our independence from eachother and getting off par.
I've lost my strength to be on my own,
And you lost passion and turned into stone.
Saying hurtful and big powerful things can make you believe,
Having no responsibilities will make you feel relieved.
If you think pushing me away will make your dreams come true,
I can only sit and wait until you see, thats not you.
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As the wind blows on, time flies by.
Things DO change, and relationships die.
From learning from mistakes, we continue to grow.
Now facing the truth, we try and let go.
Living without the kiss and with the shame,
We try to forget that it won't be the same.
But the pain remains, the tears fall forth.
Now trying to move on for all its worth.
From losing our love, we've gained in return,
That things DO change, and from that we can learn.
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Tides of Life
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The sound of the birds, not a single care,
deep in thought, trying to keep these moments to share.
Sand on your skin, the warmth of the sun,
I look to the ocean, and there it begun.
The white crested waves washed up on the sand,
There an old couple walked hand in hand.
A beautiful sight, often taken for granted,
It's so hard to understand what you could be handed.
These placid waters are a place to gather my thoughts,
It helps me calm down more often than not.
The rhythm of the sea makes hundreds of lullabies,
that wash away my troubles, needs, and lies.
The tide goes in, the tide goes out,
The power of thought, one cannot doubt.
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OLD HOUSE
Inching up the driveway with your car lights pulsing,
you opened the door and shed yourself of the red silken metal.
Refreshed, the chimes on the tree start ringing
and the sound pricked chills up my spine.
I was flooded with memory.
This is where we belong.
My welcome mat is used only by you, willing to please.
My eyes follow your hand to the door knob
and wait patiently for you to pull.
Your heart feels safe and your hand is not scared.
As you turn the door knob,
I turn my head,
to the illusive sunshine filling the room through the curtains.
Eye contact.
Brown meets green in a place so familiar but too postponed.
The sudden embrace in the doorway made my heart skip a beat
before jolting quicker, to make up for the lost time.
You see me eyeing the curtains so we drift over to fix them.
With eyes still on mine,
you slowly place your fingers between the silken tan fabric.
While slowly pulling them apart, you can already feel the warmth.
The inner heat of the sun licks our necks and warms our cheeks
simultaneously. The chimes outside blow softly in the artificial wind;
Spitting promises of loyalty and the false hope of fidelity.
Your words are opaque compared to this summer's wind,
so who knows about Winter's. You've missed out on a lot.
I realize this more when I see your skin against mine.
Two shades enveloping slowly, with one seeping into the other.
The fireplace ignites in between us,
burning more wood then you had. The smoke rises to the skies,
echoing past ashammed ears.
The windows tremble with the expectations of our past,
as if our muscles were groaning.
The mirrors are now fogged by our internal heat against the cold air
and judging eyes surrounding us.
The stairs creak at the anticipation of the path towards the top,
the height. When the air tightens,
the sudden release makes the foundation lower
in an attempt to be closer to home.
My door will always be unlocked.
...unless you give me a reason to buy a key...
BEGINNING OF THE END...
Priority, The preference of not holding anything else higher,
suddenly steps aside.
The touch of your hand replaced by a brush of your shoulder.
The sound of your consoling voice replaced with a sigh.
The taste of your lips replaced by a calling to be older.
The smell of your scent in front of me, without saying goodbye.
The touch of her hand on mine, telling me to move on.
The sound of sheer disappointment When I tell her why.
The taste of everything we have shared, instantly withdrawn.
The smell of what I become, trying hard not to lie.
Containing my emotions is no longer a choice.
I can tell im getting stale by the sound of your voice.
Somebody write a song that will change a life.
Something not as cliche` as a man and his wife.
Dig down to the core of something suppressed,
Scream it out loud so its hard to digest.
Make him see what he is letting fall through his hands.
Because he can't find satisfaction in the eyes of his fans.
Why is this not enough to tame a dying man,
Of the heat that you burn when you break all our plans.
When did it get so hard to help you see whats been wrong.
When did it get so hard for me to stand strong??
Never in my life did I need another to feel complete,
So why do I feel like im constantly at your feet.
The life that we lead knows nothing of hardship,
And Its easy to heal a fall when its only a slip.
But when a mistake becomes a problem its hard to reverse,
I try to make it better, but eventually it grows worse.
Always hearing that I deserve better gets gray.
When will I find somebody to sweep me away.
Get me out of this place that makes me obey.
...jean baptiste pierre antoine de monet.
CLOSE AROUND
There's a tailoring to you
a seamlessness of form
Stretched long down my back
It consists of a line that fits like silk.
The cloth of you, casually draped
falls across my shoulders
Warming me
An understanding, crafted in the cut.
Comfort, in sincerity of the weave
Knowing, years and miles from now.
when the chill of age shivers me,
I'll pull the fabric close around.
I RUN
Quick breathing,
Hunger dripping from your chin.
After this long awaited silence,
I doubt you're ready to begin.
The silence is but that of complete contentment,
Yet I long for all the words, those words.
You can't sing me a song to fuse repent,
Yet I'm longing for all the chords, those chords.
The ricochet from your lips ring,
The glitch is in the way I listen to them, I hide from their sting.
The portrait from your eyes call out,
The twitch is how they burn so dim, I run to self loving doubt.
All these people make me too nervous to touch,
But the look in your eyes makes me want it so much.
Your actions are speaking loud, but loud it not enough.
Your words aren't killing anything, but apparently making me tough.
I'm tired of excuses because they only cover blame.
I'm tired of kisses because they only remain tame.
It's easy to heat up if the surrounding air is searing.
And it's easy to get caught up if the one you love's endearing.
So why do I hold back in all that we do,
It burrows inside me, and makes me feel like it's untrue.
These paths are just not working, I must find another route.
By now I must be screaming but the words aren't coming out.
I keep telling myself it's over and that I have moved on,
But I can't even imagine myself with you being gone.
Can you feel my heart beat, as it sits against your skin,
Pulsing fears and insecurities from when I let them in.
The night lay still around us, as I reminisce about then,
And the yearning in your touch makes it feel less like a sin.
Sunset madness often lingers past the morning sun.
When we think that it's all over, it's often just begun.
So if you ever have enough and believe that you are done,
Just remember when you're beside me there is nowhere else I'd run.
CONSUMED BY TOUCH
This constant and unending
crave for touch
Pleading for skin delicately textured
against skin
Starving for all its luxurious qualities
Murmured words, warmth of bodies
lingering
The intimacy of waking
to tousled hair
cast across a pillow,
caressed in sleep.
These things consume
the waking hours
Interventions of my day
Locks without keys
Self loathing, yet yearning.
for a tearing down.
A deconstruction,
so well conceived.
Practiced awkwardly
just behind the eyes of
Quiet water, deeper pools of trust,
Two lives allowed to touch.
Out of reach and bound away
from knowing
the blind constriction
the fear of nakedness
Not the common stripping off
of clothes
but the unlayering
of sheltered affection
shyly unrevealed.
Spoken merely in the mind.
Reflections of my worth
can always be found in your eyes
Blood red thoughts peeled back
and salted down
Preserved for now against the decay
of rejection
or acceptance
or something in between
A rigid never land
too unsteady to walk
No net, the first step never taken
turning back
Punishing ourselves
within the walls of solitude
Shuffling feet on unoriginal trails
of avoidance
Eyes cast down, sharp edges of life
you've worn smooth
Waiting for some unknown jailer
jangling keys
to come and slide back bolts
and to untumble tumblers
PERFECT CHILD
If you would hold a perfect child
Feel its small arms around your neck
and take pleasure from that laugh
that dribbles love of life down its chin
So love your childish imperfections
In a world that honors surface beauty
hold close your shyness
A doorway only sometimes open
Invitation to warm rooms, soft light
There's shelter there for those more bold
Drop fear of failure like clothing on a beach
Lie for a while in the warmth of chance
Winning is no more than willingness to lose
Close your eyes, run fingers over jealousy
explore its contours, things we want to know
A child trusts until it's dropped, not caught
Open your arms and learn to trust yourself
Catch incompleteness, balance it on your knee
watch it giggle, close its hands around your heart
Perfect child, wipe the dribble from your chin
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